The Value of Aggression

This past weekend I was told that when I go out, I become much more aggressive.  Let me add some background before we go further.  I’m a 5’11 150 pound guy, aggression doesn’t quite look normal for me.  I’m usually a pretty happy go lucky person, and while I have a ton of energy, I’m usually not very aggressive or rude.  However, when it’s time to game, I turn to my alter identity of women slayer lover, LeGam.  I’ve found that one of the most noticeable characteristics of stereotypical Alpha Males is aggression.  This doesn’t mean you get in a fight, but at some level you want to display your alpha characteristics over the rest of your group.  When I’m in mild mannered mode I say hi, give someone a fist bump or a handshake.  When I’m LeGam, I move to full body contact a hard push even, but in a friendly way to a friend/other guy in my group.  When I talk to girls instead of keeping my distance and being polite I grab and touch very early on in my interactions.

The other important part of Aggression in my world is that it seems so unexpected coming from me, and when I start talking, I revert back to more of a confident mild mannered guy.  The aggression confuses and intrigues the women, who don’t know what to expect from me, and thus want to keep coming back for more.  I’m assuming that if you’re a really jacked dude, that being really aggressive won’t come across as interesting, but at the same time your ability to be more composed and passive might be of more value.

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Idiotic DC Cab System

While I prefer to write about game, and such, I thought that I’d try to explain the Means behind this system.

DC has long had the worst cab system in America.  We’ve spent years with their zone fare system which made no sense to most of the tourists, read how DC makes money, and in turn just created arguments between the locals and drivers about when they should cross a zone, and how.  The only advantage was once you figured out the zone system you could manipulate the cabs in a friendly and easy manner, as long as you don’t need to enter VA or MD.

Now we have a meter system, like every other major metropolitan city in the world.  However, the cost of a cab ride in DC starts at $4.00.  To put that in perspective it’s $2.50 in New York, with an additional $1.50 per passenger, also does not exist in NY.  I’m not even going to bother going into all the little details and manners in which you get screwed, or the ridiculous gas surcharge that still exists after prices have fallen but if you want to read for yourself, please do.

Now let’s pretend you’ve just gotten back from a long train ride and show up at Union Station and ask for a Cab, and propose that you wish to pay with Credit Card, you know the way most American’s pay for anything.  I was told by multiple cab drivers that they would not adhere to the sticker on their car and if I wished to pay by CC I would have to pay for his gas instead, whereby he would make an estimate of how much the trip was.  His rational was that he loses 10% to the CC company.  I offered to pay 10% more and just be dropped off, and was refused repeatedly.  Now there was a line of about 15 cabs outside of Union Station on a Wednesday Night/Thursday Morning at 12:30, with only myself and a friend waiting, and none of them would take CC.  Once we finally got one to take CC, he said he doesn’t follow the meter to VA, leaving alone that this is illegal, how does it make more sense for him to sit at Union Station, on a night when business has to be slow?

More importantly why aren’t there cab stands in places like Adams Morgan, and why do the cab drivers feel like they can overstep the law and turn off meters and stop using CC machines?  Because DC government has failed to perform any regulation on the companies.  There aren’t a ton of benefits of moving to VA, but the biggest plus is dealing with the much more customer friendly cab companies.

Halloween

For every guy, this is the greatest night of the year.

The effect of your daily outfit plays a great role on your psych.  When you dress to impress you feel better and feel like you’re an impressive person.  When you dress like a bum, you feel like a bum and want to lie around all day.

Same thing goes for women.  And on Halloween, they dress like they don’t have any clothes.  The feeling of being something you’re not, let’s you forget about transgressions easier.  And when you feel like a slut, you’re behavior is going to be more slutty, and let’s face it, most of the costumes are such.  (My personal Favs:  Girl dresses up as Chef with Panties and an Apron.  The French Maid, and the Cowgirl).  For  women this is the perfect opportunity to either :  Cheat on that annoying BF, Get over my Ex, Just Fuck, Meet new People, and because they don’t feel like it was actually them going home with said stranger, it makes everything that much easier on them.

So now you’re a guy and how do you take advantage of this golden night where women dress scantly, are drunk and willing?  You don’t dress up as a cheerleader, it makes you seem less masculine, and being that most female costumes are extremely feminine, you need to see masculine.  Roissy has a great post on Beta Costumes and what to avoid.  So now you’ve got your alpha male costume, have no game and see this hot piece of action in front of you, what to do?

I generally prefer being sober to a slight buzz when I approach, as it allows me to think clearer, but on Halloween, being a drunken loud fool may do you more good, especially if you can say witty things that have to do with your costume, and know that the target will be wasted as well.  I also advocate strong direct game because you don’t need to be coming from an angle that you’re not as interested.  Girls know you’re interested, and because of the costume they don’t feel like it’s actually them being hit on.   It’s ok to be a little more direct and bust a quick move.  The other advantage to a quick move is because there are a ton of targets around, so you can constantly bounce from one to another.  If you tie that together with the DC bar crawls, then you’ve got a bunch of different bars, and they’re all filled to the rim.

What do you do when you’re done with work/school/wake up?

One of the biggest flaws I notice amongst people trying to work into game is an inability to tell stories.

If you don’t’ have any hobbies, then you can’t talk about anything interesting.  If the extent of your conversational skills is built around what was on TV last night, then you need to work a lot harder or cut down the number of your prospects.  While I advocate a fake it till you make it mantra, you need to eventually make it.  If your conversations are always built around lies then you’ll never be able to push a relationship with a girl/guy.  Your inability to talk about anything will have to be compensated for in other ways, and while this will work for some it will fail for most.

I advocate a healthy mix of interests and a few items that you can speak passionately about.  Passion is one of the most attractive qualities that either sex can demonstrate, and your ability to actually care about something, infers that you can in fact care about them.  From a purely selfish perspective, you’ll also begin to meet more people by being involved in anything that you truly enjoy.  Some topics that I don’t think count as Passions/Hobbies:

Politics:  I know everyone in DC will hate this, but the possibility of getting slapped for your passions is too high.

Watching TV:  This seems really interesting at first, but in general talking about TV becomes very Beta for most people as they fall victim to trying to impress with TV shows.

Drinking/Partying:  You sound really pathetic when you talk about drinking as your passion/and it shows a really needy side

PETA/Feminist Groups/Special Interest Et all – Just like Politics, this is something that just insights anger from one direction or another.

News:  This seems like a great idea, and it is to open someone up, but constantly talking about what’s in the news leads you to make too many mistakes as your strong opinions can frighten the other person and being wishy washy and trying to agree with them, only shows weakness.

Multiple Choices are a GOOD thing

When I first started learning about game, or trying to talk to women in general, I always assumed the end game was meeting a single girl and I’d all of sudden be in a happy relationship and that would be that.  What I quickly learned is that it’s really easy to build a single ping of attraction, but exceedingly difficult to keep building and maintain attraction if you’re not in complete self-control of your emotions and actions.

Once you first meet that first girl/guy, and are able to secure a date, you feel really happy about yourself and feel like you’ve acomplished something, which is true, BUT if you quit then you’ll end up failing on multiple levels.  What do I actually mean?

1.  If you’re focused on one girl/guy, you tend to be a little more desperate, wanting to call him/her way too often, begging for another date, because you spent time getting that first one and have nothing else in your pipeline.  This makes you seem exceedingly needy, and in turn of a lower status level than your target.  Once that happens the target will begin to lose attraction and interest in you.  After all you met them after displaying your strong sense of swagger and fun/easy going attitude.  Hopefully you were also able to show some other high quality features, but I digress.  My personal failure was to  start calling the girl every few days if not every day to try to set things up and fill my brain with ideas of what a perfect date was instead of actually paying attention to what she wants and more importantly what I want.  I know we’re socialized to believe that doing that is romantic and works, but as I think about my failures, this is where they usually happened.

2.  As I mentioned earlier, once you meet this first person, you feel happy and your self-confidence rises.  It rises so much that for most of us our demeanor changes drastically.  And this is easy to notice by others, out subtle body language says we’re people of high quality, other people want to be with us.  This in fact makes it easier to meet other people!  My new approach is once I get a date set with a girl, I spend the next few days pursing HARD.  I need to keep my mind off date # 1 and I know that I’m feeling confident and can do more with that than I would if I was on some sort of dry spell.  It brings up the next important point, when you meet someone, assume they’re seeing/hooking up with at least one other person.  It could be some other person who’s taking them out and displaying poor qualities, it could be their ex calling trying to get something going.  But there is always someone else, so what you’re doing is the same.  I don’t advocate cheating, but until you’re officially dating someone, you’re as free as they are.  Use this freedom, who knows maybe the first target turns out to be a super bitch or douchebag.

It’s important to keep yourself constantly meeting new people and doing what makes YOU happy, ultimately the only person to answer to is yourself, and once you start realizing this, it’s amazing how much more fun and productive life becomes.

First Comments

Anon provided me with my first set of comments, so I thought it would be fun to respond.

Interesting blog…I don’t agree with your statement that women would wnat a guy who takes charge of others….but even still how would you even know what the weakness was?

While you may not agree that an alpha male type is what you actually want, and that you’re more interested in the guy’s looks, job, status, money, if you can walk all over him then you’ll soon walk away.  Women, as well as all other female Mammals, are are attracted to the alpha male of the group…Some common signs of an alpha male:  Leader, protector, powerful.  What do these mean?  Leader is easy to figure out, protector of those around him and loved ones, simple, powerful is where things get interesting.  In ancient times a big strong guy could be an alpha because power came from brute strength.  Today power comes from other means, and the most important power is social power.  The other thing to note, is that generally all 3 of these things go hand in hand….

2nd part of your question:  Beta guys, guys who don’t display these skills and therefore can’t pick up women with any consistency, think that the key to a woman’s heart is through showing genuine emotional connections, and showing off their flaws as a person so the girl will take pity on them, or that it will work like a movie because even though he’s flawed he’s a nice guy and really tried hard.  Just let them keep talking for a while, sooner or later they’ll mention their critical flaw or make it obvious by ignoring it.  They want you to save them, rather than sleep with them.  They think their one in the same.

This sounds like it’s for a man, not a woman. When i approach a guy I get weird looks, or he’s a little to excited to see me. And I feel that happens actually with most men as well. What’s the big deal about an approach most women are friendly.

Actually the approach should be the same for men and women.  If a guy seems that frightened to see you talking to him, then he’s probably a beta type character.  One common trait amongst all humans is you like what other people have, because it enhances social status.   Talking to an ugly guy/girl still raises your value, because the other people in the room want to know what’s so special about you, and will infer nonsense to make it seem as such.

2nd:  There is no big deal about an approach.  The issue is we’ve been socialized to believe there is something special, and the fear of rejection blinds us to everything else.  This is a hard thing to get over, and you can’t get over it until you get over that fear of rejection.  Every night I go out, the first few people I talk to are the hardest ones, but then I get comfortable and things become easy.  Think about the worst thing someone is going to say or do in a 10-30 second encounter.  I have a BF/GF, Give you a strange look, just turn around completely.  Conquer your fear knowing if this one sucks the one behind him or her is even better.

Approaching

“It’s the most important skill to learn”

The lessons you learned as a kindergartner will serve you well.

The approach should be about having fun, always maintain that attitude.  You should ALWAYS feel like you’re improving the next 10-30 seconds of the target’s life when you start talking.   If you walk in with an attitude to only help yourself, then your tone and body language will reflect this.  Don’t forget, most people only care about themselves, any form of positive attention is usually enough to make people a little happy.

Don’t talk about how cool,great or smart you are in fact don’t even infer it that quickly, and don’t bombard people with questions. And of course avoid subjects that cause too much argument (Religion, Politics, basically anything where someone can find a major fault with you) Stick with light subjects like your surroundings, clothes, a funny experience that just happened etc.

You will fail more times than you succeed.  Like any other skill the approach take time to master, but is the easiest to learn.  Approach each set with your confidence high, Swagger in and Swagger out.  The biggest lesson I learned was not to make my night about how many people you approached.  It is a skill, but if you make meeting the opposite sex a job, then it will be a job.  Your goal shouldn’t be to write a dissertation on it, but rather incorporate your natural beliefs into a fun vibe.

The most important thing is to look back on what went well and what went wrong, and again no grades on it.  Think quick about what worked, and what didn’t.  Pay attention to the targets attitude and movement.  You’ll know when you lost someone, unless you’re such a DouceBag that you can’t see beyond yourself. Think about what happened right before you lost them.   You know when you’re wanted and when you’re not and if you always believe you’re not wanted, then keep approaching, you’d be surprised how often you really are.